Secrets of Weight Loss--Revealed

Not Actual Size

The adventures of the Ketosis Kid have begun, as they have every January first or second for the past six years. I'm revealing my secret identity publicly for the first time, and why not? I was denied entrance into the Legion of Super-Heroes in favor of my old partner Matter-Eater Lad, but I can't say I blame them. Terrible Breath and Extreme Irritability aren't very spectacular super powers, especially as so many people share them. But I thought I'd record a few things for posterity in light of last years' epic battle (The Ketosis Kid vs. Oumuamu) which I won by (literally) the narrowest of margins.

Ouch.

My secret origin is quite simple; about six years ago, in a fit of self-loathing and disgust, I embarked on what I termed "The Austerity Diet" on January 2nd, which essentially was the result me taking an honest look at all of the foods and beverages I love and have a tendency to overindulge in and deciding I would not eat or drink any of those things until April first. I was already an avid (if ungainly) runner, good for ten to twenty miles a week, and a vegetarian,  so I figured these factors combined with jettisoning cheese, beer, bread, pasta, snacks, fun, joie de vivre, the will to live, etc. would have some weight loss benefits. More superstition than science, the Austerity Diet produced results (other than the aforementioned dragon breath and irritability) and not only had I reached my "target weight", I sailed past it by more than ten pounds. I lost exactly fifty pounds in four months (some of which were probably my brains and whatever my will to live weighs), or 22.8% of my total weight. The photo of me above is me at my lightest; I was so light that fourth graders could pick me up and toss me in the pond--which they often did. 

On April second I went back to eating and exercising normally, and over the course of the next eight months I would gain back a bunch of those pounds. So, convinced the Austerity Diet was the plan for me, I did it again the following year, but this time saying I would go back to my gluttonous ways as soon as I hit my target weight, which I would typically do by March 1st. As it is a well-known fact that February is an eternal enemy of the Ketosis kid, and I would not enjoy that hated month no matter what I did, I might as well pack it full of suffering. This was a good system and routine for many years.

Until 2018, where I kind did away with Austerity. Routines are dull! Self-denial is the hallmark of a boring life! I didn't fully eliminate all of the foods I was supposed to eat, and March 1 came and went and I hadn't hit my target. Probably because by then I wasn't really exercising like I had been for the past decade. Really, I'd been mailing it in since September 2017, logging only about ten miles a month on average when I had been clocking eighty-five to a hundred in those cruddy winter months. Whatever. Running is such a drag, though!Eh...life is short! Don't worry about it! Back to business as usual. 

But at the start of January, Oumuamua was growing--and moving--inside of me. 

Once Oumuamua was defeated on Sept. 18, I knew it would be a great deal of work to get back to where I was, in multiple aspects of my life. Time once again to become the Ketosis Kid! So after resting up for a few weeks after banishing Oumuamua, I started a regular running regimen again in mid-October, taking it easy to start. I also cut back on a few of the things that I knew would have to go once I went into full Austerity. I faced the new year fully primed to become the Ketosis Kid.

And guess what? In the three days of 2019, I've run over twenty miles, which is more than I ran in total in the months of Sept. '17, Dec. '17, Jan. '18, March '18, April '18, and May '18. It is more than almost any two of those months combined. Thankfully, I'm only about fifteen pounds off my target and I'm feeling great, so maybe I'll be able to quit before March 1st and enjoy part of the crappiest month of the year, February.

Many of want to lose weight and become better people (two desires which can be conjoined but are mutually exclusive more often than not). I go into this at length not to sell you on my particular weight loss plan, which is not fun after the first week, unscientific, and quite possibly unhealthy. It works for me, though...and therein lies my real point:

Find out what works for you, work on what works for you, test it constantly, give it up when it isn't working, but hold on for dear life once you realize it is. I hope it is obvious I'm not really talking about the weight loss thing here, I'm talking about the essential habits and routines that make you your most successful, fully realized version of you. Austerity wasn't the only beneficial habit I quit on last year, and it has taken me many months to rebuild. I can blame Oumuamua, but really, was Oumuamua the cause, or the effect? Either way, I will be better prepared if Oumuamua or one of its hideous alien minions reenters my orbit.

I'm apologize for roping you in, if that is what I did, with the false flag of weight loss promises. Burn more calories than you consume, I guess. Who knows.

With love, 

The Ketosis Kid

My Christmas Book

Passing Strange, the third novel of my Generation Dead series, features as its protagonist an undead teen lesbian who lost her battle with depression. She returns from death and must face not only her illness, but a myriad of other forces trying to destroy her. In retrospect, writing such a book with such a character was a bit of a career risk....

I think it is probably the least read of all my published novels, but it may also be the most deeply felt.  The reader correspondence regarding Passing Strange related many stories about how the novel had been helpful to the reader in facing and getting help with depression, in dealing with the loss of a loved one, and in one case, encouraging a reader in a decision to come out to her parents and friends. 

I've been carrying one of those letters folded up in my wallet for a number of years now, a letter that never fails to bring me to the verge of happy tears whenever I read it, which I  do in my own darkest moments. 

The idea held by Wallace and others that the purpose of fiction is to make readers feel less lonely in the world has always appealed to me. I believe the act of writing often produces the same result for the writer. I'm blessed to have had moments of real connection with readers which truly made that circle feel complete.

I made a number of mistakes writing Passing Strange, but I'm also very proud of it and grateful for the positive effect it seems to have had on some of the people who read it. Passing Strange is also a Christmas story in the same way that films like Die Hard and Gremlins are Christmas stories--part of the narrative occurs during the holiday season. My protagonist--Karen--even lands a seasonal job at the mall when she is mistaken for a living girl. Full disclosure, we aren't exactly talking The Christmas Shoes, but I argue that it counts! So if you are looking for a strange story set during the holidays to read or give as a gift, Passing Strange might fit the bill.