Wednesday, April 8, 2009

It is Surprisingly Easy for Professional Writers to Stay Humble

or, Why I Rarely Leave My House

Loveschach's Journal, April 8

(BTW, my alter ego Loveschach wears a mask similar to the much tougher ((but shorter)) Rorschach, except mine looks like the inside of a lava lamp with red lava, and it bubbles asymmetrically just like a real lava lamp. And instead of a trench coat, Loveschach sports a full length velour smoking jacket with fake fur trim. PS: Neither he or I actually smoke)

Drove to nearest chain bookstore to ensure new GD paperback prominently displayed. Long drive. Flurries. Last gasp of winter for angry gray sky, flakes turned to water on impact with windshield. Listened to Sandinista! by the Clash. Sometimes cheerful proto-dub music undercut by remembrance of Strummer, gone now some years.

Parking lot empty, first to arrive. Allow band to finish Police On My Back before exiting vehicle. Bargain books in carts in front of the store, cold to the touch. Some bear the marks of rough handling; torn covers, bent edges. What the call distressed I call atrocity.

Sidetracked by Cultural Studies section, discover three books. Necessary for secret project. Write off? Must call accountant. Flow like liquid into YA section, clerks busily scanning, shelving. Check new paperback table, no GD in evidence. Scan new release shelf with same result. Find two hardcovers under "W", rearrange to face out.


Pleasant woman at info desks, asks if she can help. Help Loveschach? Unlikely.

Ask when she expects paperback of Generation Dead. Much typing. "Generation what?" she asks. "Dead." "What?" "Dead." This is actually quite a common experience. Finally understands after spelling "Dead". More typing. "We don't have it," she says. "We have eight copies on order."

Thank her. Turn to go but she isn't finished yet.

"It says that it came out yesterday, but those aren't usually solid dates, except for popular books."


Let her live. Going soft? Gnashing of teeth heard all the way back in back where the pet books are. Thank her for providing exceptional customer service, walk to cash wrap to pay for books.

Console self with delicious early lunch at Panera. Tuna salad on sesame semolina, with Swiss cheese. Don't carry provolone, or beans. Favorite soda brand; free refills. Brought notebook--the fiction one--to work on secret project, but restaurant is mobbed even at eleven, people trudging inside in constant, twisting stream. Give up seat to hungry young mother with stroller, round-faced tot strapped securely within upscale stroller. Finish pickle first. Walk to car.

Universe has no order save that for which we impose. Heated bubbles lengthen and rise, only to cool upon nearing the top, and in cooling, sink to the bottom and pool once again, seeking warmth. Sometimes bubbles resemble animals, or funny celebrity charicatures. Sometimes big round frowny face.

Will try again next week.


Anna-Tommy-lover said...

Hello Daniel.
Haha, Generation what?
"but those aren't usually solid dates, except for popular books."
Your book IS popular, in my opinion, when my aunt bought me "Generation Dead" she went to five libraries and there were all sold.
Until she went to Target!xD

Take care!

(>.0) <---Zombie Owl.
" "

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Stores do that just to torment us fans. We wait patiently(?) for the release date, but low and behold the book isn't there on the much anticipated date. We grumble and groan, and throw newly released best selling books looks of contempt. Fortunately the book we've waited for does eventually do show up . . . one or two weeks later. :(

Of course this all means I have to wait seven more weeks before I get to buy Kiss of Life. I'm not sure I can wait that long!

Anna-Tommy-lover said...

Hello, me again!
I made a drawing and put it on Deviant art, here´s the link, hope you like it, I did my best!


Anonymous said...

Where does this lady live? Under a rock?

Enough said.

Daniel Waters said...

Hi Anna-Tommy-Lover!

I love the art, thank you! Can I post it on the site?

Target has been very, very good to me.

Take care,

Whoah! That owl just winked at me!

Hi Stina!

Patience is a virtue--and agony. It took roughly two years between the time of GD's completion and publication--a very agonizing time frame!

Take care,

Hi Insert Book Title Here!

Oh, I'm sure she's super sweet and super aware. And she was trying to help, after all.

But next time, don't!

Take care,

Unknown said...

At least your lady could see the date mine said "Well it says April.."

I was a little irritated and have not had luck finding your book in the 3 places I have looked. I will keep looking though. I want to get the paperback copy and the latest Jim Butcher novel at the same time. I have found Jim Butcher btw....