Worst Movie Ever?

I watched part of what may be the worst movie ever last night. Calling it execrable may actually be overstating its worth. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry was just awful, unless it was somehow redeemed by the remaining hour and twenty six minutes I didn't watch, although I don't see how it could have been. Offensive on many, many levels, redemptive on none that I could see, this movie was an insult to humanity entire.

I actually like many bad movies--bad movies can be endearing because they are so bad. My favorite television show ever is Mystery Science Theater, which elevates the watching of rotten movies into a comedic art form. I don't know if even the comic genius of Michael J. Nelson and the writers of MST3K could find anything to laugh about in Chuck and Larry. Did I mention that I hate Chuck and Larry.

Adam Sandler, you used to make me laugh, but now you only make me cry.

Weird Hobby

One of the writers' magazines, Writer's Digest, I think, has a section for debut authors who answer a quick set of questions about themselves and they way they work alongside a brief description of their books. One of the topicss the authors are invited to expound upon is "weird hobby".

The question bothered me for days, because I always thought that you really couldn't get any weirder than writing. The compulsion to write is in and of itself strange, and the end product of writing can be downright mystifying. I'm sure I'm not alone among people who write--whether they be avid hobbyists, seasoned professionals, or people who simply have no choice but to write--when I sometimes have no idea where an idea or a scene came from. Sure, I can track down the psychological or historical context for most of my work by rooting around in my brain, sifting through memories and tromping through the id. But some stuff...I don't know where it comes from.

And that, my friends,is weird.

But I guess writing doesn't qualify as a weird hobby for the little interview. I realized this in the act of adding the 24,959th song iPod, something I was doing by burning a track from one of my many albums into mp3 format. I was informed not soon afterwards that not only was the size of my music collection weird, taking the time to burn tracks off of vinyl onto mp3 when they were readily available digitally through iTunes or wherever else was weird. Owning vinyl is considered by some to be weird, although it is less likely to be considered so by people in my own age bracket, even those who donated their records to Goodwill soon after college.

I'm starting a new weird hobby. I'll try to embed a bit of music trivia into each post. In "Weird Hobby" lurks the name of a song that a British band who recorded on the Creation Label released as a single. Can you name the song and band?

So, what's yer weird hobby??????????

Across the Pond--Now the Truth Can Be Told!!!

Generation Dead will be released in the U.K. by Simon & Schuster. Color me absolutely thrilled!

Or would that be colour me absolutely thrilled?

Pick any colour you like.

Simon & Schuster will be publishing Generation Dead and what is known contractually as "unnamed sequel". Unnamed sequel now has a name, and is ready for editing at Hyperion, which, along with the January road trip should make for an interesting kick off to 2008.

Special U.K. Tribute Bonus Music Question: I've embedded the title of a song by a great U.K. recording artist somewhere within this blog entry. Can you:

1. Name the artist
2. Name the album on which the song appears
3. Name the track #
4. Guess which member of the band I most resemble?

The first person to comment with all four questions correct will, um, waitaminute, let me see...

It's On!

About a month from now I get to hit the road in support of Generation Dead, visiting with booksellers, librarians, and other cool people. I'll be going to Minnesota, Michigan, Ohio, and then I'll spend a day in New York. Never been to two of those places so I am incredibly psyched up for the trip, I'm laying in special snacks, programming special travel songlists on the iPod, and socking away select books to read along the way. I may even wear an interesting hat.

I spent a few years working as a bookseller, a job I consider to be imbued with Noble Purpose (caps mine). Encouraging people to read, bringing reluctant or recalcitrant readers to "the good stuff"--such a task is chock full of nobility, if you ask me.

Those people work hard, and the sheer volume of customers can make for a stressful existence during the holiday season. People, please be kind, no matter what side of the counter you are on. Customers, be gentle if the clerk you are working with doesn't instantly recognize the title you are hunting for--the human mind was not meant to hold everything in the frontal lobe at all times. Booksellers, take heart. My mantra was "our customers read--or at least they know someone who does". Laugh if you will, but repeated that phrase fortified me when facing the hordes of desperate people pillaging the store for a last minute holiday gift. At the end of the day, what you've done is important. One deserving title in deserving hands that would not have been purchased without your effort represents yet another forward step in the progress of humankind.

Yes, I really believe that. To believe otherwise is madness.

So here's to the booksellers! I'm looking forward to meeting you!

TBR

My "To Be Read" pile is pretty huge right now. My dog Bonny is afraid to pass beneath its' toddering shadow.

A few years ago I decided that I would try and read 104 books a year. Two a week, not so bad. I eclipsed that in September this year, which is pretty cool.

This year as part of my goal I read the 87th Precinct series by Ed McBain(Evan Hunter). I still have four left, but I'll wrap them up by the end of the year. The series will account for fifty-five books of my list this year, about a third of the whole list. I had to read the series in order, of course, and had a lot of fun trying to track down some of the older ones, some of which are out of print, in used bookstores and libraries. I was intrigued by the idea of having a cast of characters recurr over so many books--not the mention that Mr. McBain wrote them over a half cetury. The first, Cop Hater, came out in 1956, and the last, Fiddlers, came out the year of his death in 2005. I'm amazed by how consistently good the series was, and how much I'd come to feel for his characters. I'm going to be very sad to finish the series, really.

By the way, I'd like to mention that my daughter Kayleigh, age nine, decided this year that she'd like to set a reading goal. She is at #49 of her goal and closing fast. I'm very proud of her!

My Wild Life

I live in a New England city of about 36,000 people. I can walk to the hospital where my kids were born, or turn a different direction and amble on over to a supermarket and a strip mall. My city has factories, on-ramps to major highways, old mills, cemeteries, history, and fast food chains. Lots of fast food chains.
Also animals. So many cool animals I sometimes feel like a character in one of the Thorton Burgess stories I read by the bushel when I was younger.

My wife called the kids and I to the window this morning because there was a fox loping across the neighbors' yard, a beautiful orangey-amber colored animal, a bit larger than our dog Bonny. We always get a little nervous when we see animals in the yard because we live on a very busy street. Sureenough, the critter wanted to cross--and this was just before school, where a seemingly endless parade of buses comes barreling down our hill to distribute children throughout the city's school system. We held our collective breath as the fox ran across just as a large furniture truck zoomed past. I'm happy to report it made it to the other side safely, and hopefully is ignoring the neighborhood cats along its way to the woods beyond.

A note about our dog Bonny before I go on: she is fourteen years old. She was an abused dog that my wife adopted from an animal shelter as a Valentine's Day gift to ourselves. We've had her thirteen of those fourteen years and we love her even though she's a little cranky as a senior canine than she was as a young dog. I invariably compare the size of any animal I see to Bonny, so from here on out I will use a new standard of measurement: the bonny. The fox was approximately one and a quarter bonnys. To help illustrate just how big a bonny is, here's a picture of Bonny:



Other critters I have seen in recent weeks in my yard include a woodchuck (one bonny, but fatter), a six-point deer, his wife and their fawn(nine bonnys, six bonnys and three bonnys, respectively), and the neighbors' cat Lucky (3/4 of a bonny). The woodchuck was around a lot in October, when our two apple trees were laden with fruit. He was a pretty regular customer, and I'd see him running along the hedge with a big apple in his mouth. The deer came because they apparently like the buffet we prepared just for them with our garden. I didn't mind losing the vegetables as much as I did the morning glories, the buds of which the deer seem to love the way I love Chinese food. I literally chased them out of the yard at midnight a couple times, waving my arms and hooting like the gorilla I'm said to resemble, trying to save my favorite flowers.

Lucky just comes because she likes to tease Bonny.

I also saw a ring-necked pheasant earlier this week, a few days after the holiday. I made a joke about it to a friend of mine who hunts, saying I was glad he hadn't been around lately. He told me that ring-necked pheasants don't inhibit our state. When I presented photographic evidence (seen below), he theorized that the bird was an escapee from a "stocking" program, wherein a buch of pheasants and turkeys are released prior to Thanksgiving for hunters. The one I saw must have been the wiliest of birds, because he'd survived past turkey day and he hauled tail ( a long, beautifully feathered tail, by the way) when I tried to shoot him with my camera.

Here he is, fleeing down Woodchuck Row:

I wish you well, friend pheasant. I wanted you to know you can hide out in my garage until the trouble blows over, if you want.

I love working at home.

How Cool Is This?

A big shout out of thanks to everyone at Hyperion, who sent me a box of shirts (pictured at right) that they created for their sales conference. Thank you! Your enthusiasm and support for Generation Dead are greatly, greatly appreciated!

I'm wearing mine for the fifth day in a row, but my family are telling me that actually smelling like a zombie is taking the enthusiasm bit a little too far.